How To Ask Out A Girl

Oftentimes therapists and marriage counselors will begin their process of getting acquainted with a couple by asking how they met and what it was that caused them to fall in love.  While this certainly produces many romantic and ‘made for TV’ kinds of stories, its intent is far more significant.  When people – even one’s who are barely speaking – share their thoughts about how they met and why they did, indeed, fall in love – the landscape changes dramatically.

Why, people ask, is it valuable to go through this?   Why have stressed couples revisit how they fell in love?   Simple.  It allows them to re-experience the feelings that went along with those events and to focus on positive emotions, instead of negative ones.  People who have lived together for some time become bored with one another.   This is simple human nature.  A thorough understanding of these principles might, indeed, help to get ex back.  If you are trying to recover from a breakup caused by the disappearance of love, your chance to win your ex back, will be heightened by knowing all these things.

If you add into that mix all the negativity of a stressful life and other problems, then you have a formula for the drifting away that many couples report experiencing.   Seeing your partner at the end of your day, and being instantly reminded of all the negativity and stress that you feel has a disastrous affect on not only love but passion and all the goodness that a loving relationship brings.

What we suggest, therefore, is a reawakening of your love and warmth that you originally brought into each other’s lives.  In addition, we suggest that you do this in a formally executed Go Back Event.   It might be a weekend away or just a quiet dinner where you first met.   Whatever it is, it is definitely possible to recreate everything about that evening or event – in detail.  Doing that will allow both of you to feel what you felt then.

If you are not currently together, then we suggest that you write your Ex a love letter and share as much of this as possible.  Invite them to this kind of event without any preplanned or expressed aftereffects.   If you have planned it out in some detail it will be easier for them to say Yes.  If you are attempting to get ex back from a breakup, take heed.

The key to Getting Back is to Go Back – to the beginning.  If you are like many other lucky couples – your love is still there…waiting.

If you are among the lucky few that have never had a partner cheat on them then indeed you should consider yourself fortunate.  If, on the other hand, you are in the other category – with a partner or spouse that is giving off telltale signs – then this article is definitely for you.  The issue that we are delving into at this point is one of verification, specifically verification by pursuit or spying by another name.  There has been much written and broadcast concerning this issue in our society, including books and even television programs that catch cheaters.   The obvious question that is always posed is invariably the same one.   Should you spy on your partner to obtain firsthand information – i.e. proof – that indeed your partner is cheating?  If your relationship is strained or separated and you are trying to get your ex back is spying a viable alternative?

While a vexing topic to be sure there are more than the obvious elements to this question and its ramifications.  Many times there is simply emotion and anger that drives people to feel compelled to see with their own eyes the errant behavior of their partner, or sometimes they say it is to protect their children.   In reality, however, spying on your partner or spouse is solely for you and no one else.  Is it necessary?  Well, that depends on your intended use of the information.  If you are seeking proof of infidelity and you need corroboration before you obtain a legal witness – like a private detective or verifiable friend who will so testify – you will probably have a better chance of convincing yourself than someone who does not intend to take action on the information but just wants to “catch the jerk!”. 

What you should really be considering prior to actually conducting a spying project is what its impact will be on all involved.   If your partner is showing signs of altered or questionable behavior, or has been caught repeatedly in lying about their activities or whereabouts then you might consider verifying it.   If there are physical signs – the old lipstick on the collar routine – then you probably have a situation that warrants serious consideration.  If you are trying to get your ex back, you should think before you leap.

Before you proceed, however, you should ponder these questions:

1.  How will this experience alter your relationship?

2.  How will you use the data collected?

3.  How will this experience alter your feelings for your partner, regardless of the findings?

4.  How will your willingness to trust another be affected – i.e. will you become a repeat spy in future relationships?

5.  What will the whole thing change you regardless of the outcome?

These are critical questions that should be pondered if you are seeking to know the truth.  Many people consider this option critical if they are considering trying to get ex back.

Being a writer and provider of relationship input for women always puts me in the position of reading what others write.  Regardless of whether they are Men or Woman writers, the question of – Why Men Withdraw from their Women – is almost never answered correctly.  There are typically two scenarios of incorrect answer.  The first – i.e. the ‘Your Fault’ syndrome – in which it describes that the guy is ‘getable’ but only if you say the right thing in the right way.   Unfortunately for you, alas, your frustration combined with great insecurity vis-à-vis the open sharing of same has prevented you from sharing your true feelings.   The result is that, over time, you let it build up until you cannot stand another moment of being in a one-sided relationship so you blow your stack and let him have it with both barrels.  The result is skid marks.

The second scenario holds that all men are non-committers and remain so until they are engineered into commitment by the enlightened or edified female.   This scenario also presupposes that men withdraw because the need to be taken to that next level – ostensibly by you – is not happening; result – stagnation, and slightly shorter skid marks.

Both of these scenarios and the philosophies upon which they are based are totally incorrect.  A man withdraws when the reward – i.e. You – as exchanged for its price – i.e. his freedom – is less than his minimum acceptable level.   This psycho-emotional process-based calculation is what I call the Love Equation.   When the cost of the relationship for him – i.e. his freedom – is not greatly exceeded by the value and rapture associated with the prize or reward – that is you – he will choose not to get involved romantically with you.  If he got involved and his recalculation using the Love Equation now seems tilted against his interests – he will withdraw.   That is it!  That is all of it and it never has anything to do with what was said or unsaid.   All the ‘he said’, ‘she said’ and what might have been spoken or engineered to have taken place conversationally will not alter the outcome of the equation and, hence, his subsequent go/stay decision.

If you want a man to stay, alter his perception of the outcome of a recalculation of the Love Equation.  You can only do that in one or both of two ways.  Stay tuned boys and girls for next week’s story where we reveal exactly what those two ways are.

If you are dealing with a guy who has backed away and you are trying to get ex back from a possible breakup, or if you are planning to win your ex back, a thorough understanding of the Love Equation might help to get ex back.  

Almost every woman has felt that strange feeling at some point in her life – when she’s just learned that her relationship is over. If you really wish to get your ex back, then this guide is for you.

There are a variety of reasons men may leave a relationship. These reasons may include feeling claustrophobic due to an emotionally clingy woman, or being over the relationship in general and feeling as though they need some ‘single’ time.

If you truly want to get your ex boyfriend back you’ll have to accept that there were things you did or didn’t do that caused him to flee. Those might not necessarily be bad or harmful, but they could have led to the guy feeling trapped or overly controlled.  In any case, they may be the key to getting your ex back. 

After a break up it is important to allow your ex boyfriend sufficient space in order to come to terms with what has happened. After you feel an appropriate amount of time has passed, begin by casually contacting him.

Slowly build up this contact until you feel confident enough to invite him on an outing.

Then you should invite him on some ssort of outing, perhaps even something that you used to do together. This process of seeing a place that has fond memories will have a significant effect.

Slowly increase the frequency of such outings and during your time together be sure to show him how hard you have tried to change anything that may have caused problems in your former relationship.

Remember to act attentive, yet casual. Don’t try to delve into the details of the relationship – this works for girls but not for guys. It may also increase any feelings of claustrophobia he may have had. Instead, focus on the present and ensure the time you spend together is happy and carefree. Give him a reason to enjoy spending time with you. 

If you have put on weight or otherwise let yourself go in the relationship, get back into shape and dress smartly but invitingly when you see him. All men appreciate a good body, and this will have the added benefit of gaining you the attention of other males. You’re not actually acting on new attention but it will be of benefit to both you and your ‘mission’.

After sufficient time has elapsed, one of you may point out that it might be worth trying the relationship again. Your ex boyfriend should be more than happy with this decision, having seen the changes that you have made that will benefit the relationship.

The best outcome of the process is that you are back together without even discussing it. This is the best way to get ex back.

Remember you should still come to an understanding on the needs that one another have in terms of how the new relationship should work.

Most people understand what is meant by their dating pool but few take the time to actually consider measuring or evaluating it.   Your Dating Pool is defined as the rough number of singles that you will encounter in a given time period.  Encounter simply means ‘accidentally run into’ or meet.  

If you widen the number of venues you will encounter more people.   While this is certainly logical and is a concept quickly grasped by anyone, the secret to successful dating is to alter not only the size of your dating pool but the kind of people in it.  Going to more bars will simply expose you to more ‘bar guys’.  

However, if you want to increase the percentage of possible ‘keepers’ in your pool, you have to alter the mix of who shows up there.   The kinds of men that most women seek are rarely found in bars or singles clubs.  If you are just seeking a good time all you have to do is show up with tight-fitting, revealing clothing and smile a lot.  However, if you want to meet the kinds of men that women usually dream about you will need to expand both the size and depth of your dating pool.  A thorough understanding of these principles might, indeed, help to get ex back.  If you are trying to recover a broken relationship, your chance to win your ex back, will be heightened by knowing all these things.

Most women are looking for men of quality.   Fortunately, these kinds of men can still be found in the same venues.  You can still find them in libraries, gymnasiums, bookstores, etc.   The people who frequent those kinds of venues are largely the same – regardless of gender.  Showing up there does not take an altered lifestyle – just an open mind.

While not dealt with in this article, fishing techniques in newly found waters is the obvious corollary question.   There are tons of books written on how a woman can be more magnetic to men and we certainly do not wish to delve into them here.  Nonetheless, having found yourself in new dating pools, perhaps you might also consider how you ‘fish’ them.

If you are attempting to get ex back from a breakup caused by the absence of these things, take heed.

There are many article around that suggest a generic and unisex approach to getting your Ex back.   Most of them are exactly that, playing simply on natural human emotions that hopefully will respond to their specific, recommended twisting or give and take.  While many of these do sound logical they are simply words that sound good but rarely DO any good.  You need a serious strategy to get your Ex Girlfriend back that is specifically directed at women, not ‘anyone’.   We think we have some great ideas in this article.  They presuppose that you – the guy – were responsible for some transgression or apparent lack of interest and that she, your Ex Girlfriend, made the decision to break up.

Most women are generally very much more serious about everything having to do with dating than men are.   They need to be right and are often deathly afraid of making a relationship mistake.   What we are suggesting here is a three-step process that puts her mind in neutral.   Once she is in neutral then you can begin to work on getting to open her mind to the possibility of reconnecting with you and considering getting back together.

Our first suggestion is to simply ignore her.  This, again, presupposes that she is someone that you see at work or play and that your apparent lack of interest in her will be known or recognized somehow.   If that is not the case – which it might not be if your paths do not cross now that you are split – you will have to take steps to make this known to her but that is something that most guys can arrange.  You might even have to get your friends to communicate it.

Next you want her to believe that your life if going just fine, that you have moved on, and things are pretty good for you now.   This is nothing more than SRO or Standing Room Only – which creates an awareness that she may have made a mistake in letting you go.   It also may generate a consideration that perhaps there was something that she did or did not do that contributed to the breakup.  The goal of this element of the strategy is just to cause her to wonder if the breakup may have been a mistake.

Finally, you should complete this three-step preparation process with a healthy dose of jealousy.  Have a few dates that she – obviously – needs to become aware of so that it will be obvious that you are out having a wonderful time.  Most women have a longer grief period than men and if she is still grieving or suffering, this element of jealousy on top of everything else will finish off the three-step process of getting her to be dying for your return.

Now all you have to do is make the Grand Gesture Phone Call – leave a message on her cell thanking her for that one thing from your relationship that you treasure most.  She will be knocking over furniture to get to the phone and call you back.

If you really still want your Ex Girlfriend and are trying to get ex back from a breakup she initiated or if you are planning ways to get you ex back, a thorough understanding of these tactics is critical in helping you get your ex back.